January 2nd

Mom,

I keep disappointing god.

The guilt,

A constant strong hold.

Is this how dad felt with his demons?

And my struggle with coffee has only gotten worse.

I seem to need just as much at 3 a.m as I do at 7.

Tell me I’m just being dramatic,

And that these cigarette butts aren’t the beginning of another

Addiction.

Another romance, with something that can’t hold me at night,

Or kiss my lips,

These... wanting to be kissed lips.

And the swearing has gotten worse

Fuck, is my new favorite word.

So is Jesus Christ,

Fuck.

Jesus Christ, I hate this feeling.

I can’t seem to form a coherent way to describe my emotions.

And its officially January 2^nd ,

Which means I wasted the first day of the new year.

Story of my life.

Fuck.